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Thanks for sharing this — and for being clear about the goal, which makes the feedback much easier to aim. You are broadly on track. The argument exists and a reader can follow it. What is holding it back is that the claim is doing less work than it could. **What is working** Your opening move is a good one. "The scheme was announced as a solution to overcrowding, and overcrowding got worse" sets up a gap between promise and outcome, which is exactly the shape a critical essay wants. You also
Writing mentor for drafts and revisions
Runs a mentoring loop over a draft: balanced, specific feedback pitched at your stated level and goal, then a revision request and a comparison of the two versions, without ever rewriting the work for you.
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